Bad Break Up Support Please? ?

Ok people, it's been six months since breaking up with the ex after 2 yrs together. In a nutshell I wanted us to commit more/get engaged/move in and he chose to split up instead. Ok, bad enough but I could cope with that. I was working abroad at the time for 6 weeks, teaching English to the adult sister of a now married ex from 7 years ago. 3 weeks in the break up happened over the phone. I texted him and suggested we meet up when I returned in 3 weeks to break up properly/give our 2yr relationship the respect it deserved but he refused, by text, informing me that this text was the last contact he was ever going to have with me and that was basically it. Over. Bascially the last time I saw him was at the departure gate at the airport when I left for my teaching assignment. We hugged, kissed, said goodbye as a couple there.





His sick, cruel method of closure has devastated me more than the break up. I can't get my head round how someone could be that cold to a person they have just been intimately involved with for 2 yrs, especially since I was his first in every way. I couldn't treat my worst enemy like that.





We're not kids - I'm 29 he is 36!!!! Though while I am an independent and a healthy adult he still lives with mummy and daddy. I was his very first girlfriend (he was 34 when we met) he had no job when we met (though has got one since) - you get the picture....





I suppose the signs were there in the beginning that he was not the best candidate for a positive adult relationship, especially when he cited his reason for not committing more was due to my 'strong' personality! (read normal healthy adult!)





I dunno, I feel a bit crap at the moment, I'm at the stage where I'm half blaming myself wondering if I was as much of a ***** as he seems to think I was, I had a dream about him last night in which he was the loving person he was at first and then as I woke up he became the self centred, controlling, devious little boy I broke up with. Still I think the dream has gotten to me and I'm feeling things I don't want to about him. I was fine that we broke up - it was the right thing to do as I was so unhappy and I had to make a change in my life with or without him. It was the way it was done that was the worst - I would have met with him and broken up civilly and lovingly as our 2yrs together deserved, not callously the way he wanted it.





I feel the most overwhelming pain at the moment and I am not meeting my obligations as I should be. I have an important business meeting tomorrow (I'm an entrepreneur) and I can't seem to motivate myself to go.





It's like I've become dead and numb inside. At first I coped great but it's hitting me now. I find myself wondering if he thinks about me, if he has someone else now, if he feels guilty for treating me so horribly at the end, even though I know he was completely the wrong person for me and even emotionally abusive.





8 months into the relationship he told me that if I got as big as my mum (3 stone/42lb heavier approx) he would not find me attractive. We nearly broke up over that as I couldn't be with someone like that and I knew I would be terrified of eating around him. He cried, apologised and I forgave him but things were never the same after that. He became somebody else in my eyes. I ceased to feel safe with him. Controlling streaks began to emerge in other ways - how Ispent my money, the food I gave him, debating with him when he wanted me to just take his opinion nad leave it at that (his words pretty much) putting me down in a group of people once when I was in a conversation with a medical professional, giving me the silent treatment when he was upset with me. Little things y'know?





He was not too good for me and yet I still feel sad. Please help me snap out of this! Thank you guys%26amp;gals...xxBad Break Up Support Please? ?
I went through something similar several years ago--a really bad breakup where the hard part wasn't so much the breakup as the callous (and in my situation very sudden) way he did it. One day I was the love of his life and the next he didn't care whether I lived or died...amazing. I felt as though I had been emotionally raped.





That one did take some time to get over, and there were times that I wondered if I ever would, because I felt so devalued and stupid. But I just kept going and it got better with time...and then I met Mr. Right, got married and am happy as can be!





Hang in there. Trust me, you are going to be just fine.Bad Break Up Support Please? ?
Oh Sweetie, give yourself the credit that you deserve! You saw all the red warning flags and were wise enough to know the relationship was not what you wanted. You are so much better off without him and the fact that he didn't want to face you after the 'breakup' says much about him and his character.





There is nothing wrong with wanting a good job, a great relationship and being able to stand on your own two feet. I say you go into that meeting tomorrow with your head held high and conduct your self with confidence. If you were to stay in a relationship with him, you would begin to question every thing you said or did. He would find fault with everything and make you feel guilty over nothing. There is a reason that he is still living with the folks, hadn't had a job before and that you were the first....he is very insecure and needed to control you so that he could feel important. You are so lucky that he is no longer in your life. I am very proud of you and your strength.





You would have been miserable had you stayed in that relationship. This is a lesson in life and I hope you were paying attention. You certainly have learned something from this and I doubt you will repeat this chapter. Live you life for you and your happiness; if someone comes along to enhance your life, go for it. Now, before your meeting tomorrow, say to yourself ';Today is a better day than I ever thought possible';. Put your past behind you and move on. Good luck!
I think the important thing to remember is that females easily attach our emotions to everything we do and say. When it comes to relationships it's usually all or nothing for most of us. We also tend not to like change and have this internal struggle when it happens. Thus it's normal to go through the grieving process when we go through changes. This process becomes more complicated when you consider the emotions you have in regards to the relationship and the feelings you have about yourself. It's normal to feel sad when a relationship ends but when it ends in this manner it's easy to begin having self doubt. It's all a part of the grieving process.





What happens next is up to you! You can choose to beat yourself up, look for explanations or allow yourself to feel sad but make chooses which will move you forward instead of keeping you trapped in one place.





I think you are smart and realize that the controlling behaviors he exhibited were not healthy for you. Use this time to reexamine the type of personality traits that would be healthy for your future relationships. You can make your life anything you want it to be. You have what it takes inside of you as long as you believe it. No matter what other people say or do around you, if you choose to good to yourself nothing else will matter.
I would suggest professional help, this guy is a mental case. You might continue to write things down (in a Word .doc) and revisit every so often - very therapeutic.





You invested a good deal of yourself in him, with nothing given back in return, no wonder you feel badly. He managed to hide it from you for a good while, but not forever.





Be thankful it's over, life with him (and his parents) would have been HELL!!
Yours is typical of 21st century break ups. Texting, e-mail and voice mail make it all too easy.





You are in mourning right now. Any loss like this has to be mourned and consoled. It will take time for your heart to heal. give it that time.





Cry for him, mlurn the loss of the relationship. Let it all out. You will find that in feeling this pain, you will make yourself prepared for moving on with your life.





Seek out your friends and family. Their shoulders can probably bear the weight of your sorrow and help you recover..





It is OK to weep - even if it just you crying.
Too much sadness and misery decreases life span by 20 years! This guy did you a big favour, trust me the way you described him is as though he has a mental illness,you can't satisfy a person like that and there will always be some drama to deal with if u stick with a loser like him!