Make sure you are making the right decision for yourself. Is it really guilt that you will be hurting him, or is it fear that you will miss him too much? Once you are sure you want to break up with him, you have to do it or you will make both him and yourself a lot more miserable in the long run. Try to imagine yourself after the break-up. Yes, you would feel guilty, but what else? What would you do that you can't do now? What would he be like? What could he do that he can't do now? What about in a year? How do you see both of you in the year? Once you can visualize exactly how both of you will change and that you and he both may benefit from the break-up (remember, if you don't love him, then you are not the best for him because he should find someone who does love him!), and how over the course of a year, both of you will gradually get over it, stick to your decision and just do it--with tact. Check out the VideoJug video on ways to do this!How do you cope with the horrible guilt and pain of breaking up with someone?
There's no magic . . .just do it and move on. Dragging it out won't help things. He'll hurt and you will hurt too for a time and then you will move on.
That's the way life works . . .
How can he start getting over you if you don't leave?
How happy can he be with you in this wishy washy state?
Why feel guilt? The guilt would be in staying together when you knew you didn't still have feelings for him.
He will heal and you did the right thing by ending the relationship when it had run its course. When break ups occur there's almost always at least 1 ';injured'; party, that's tough to avoid.
Just know you did the right thing, don't feel guilty feel proud you set him free to meet someone who will be crazy about him (as you probably were at one time), and move forward with your life.
Take care!
i know exactly how you feel, it's the hardest thing ever when you need to leave because it's best for you but your partner doesn't want you to go, however, you do need to go and move on, and the sooner you do it the sooner you will both stop hurting.
take care and good luck...
Well I am in your boyfriends shoes so I will tell you this. Glad you did it because its better than lieing to the person you ';used'; to love. For you I understand where your coming from, and from your boyfriends point of view I know how that feels too. I would say for both of you to stop talking, the more you talk, the more he has ';hope'; and you dont want to give him that. You always will have some kind of love for one another, but since your done, you know your done. Life will move on and things will get better. Its going to hurt him a lot more, and I know this lol. I am still learning how to deal with the whole falling out of love scenario, but hey...thats life. I pray for the both of you things work out, cause they will. But for now just keep your lives separate to keep out all the anguish and pain.
Guilt is not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship.
You have your reasons for breaking up with him. No matter what the reasons are it's time to accept the way you feel and be honest enough to let go. Right now, you're giving him false hope that your relationship will continue. Worse, you're punishing yourself with feelings of guilt that you don't deserve. Three years is a long time and now it is time to move on.
Relationships get to be habits. You go out together, you spend time with each other, you talk on the phone.
But when you break up with someone, suddenly, you have this big empty space the other person used to fill. If you really want this person out of your life, you have to fill the time and space you used to spend with them on other things and other people.
Breaking up: Meet him for drinks (early) and tell him one last time, you have made up your mind once and for all to end the relationship. Be kind, be firm and be sincere.
They key here is to be in public (less chance of violence or an argument) and to have him MEET YOU. He must have his own transportation and so should you. That way, once you've said your peace, walk away and drive away. Do not give this conversation more than 15 minutes, do not debate the particulars, do not argue, do not give in and do not look back.
Before or after you tell him, map out your days. The time and space you used to spend with him, simply do other things.
Don't go straight home after work when he knows you'll be home and can call you. Stop at a bookstore or get your nails done.
Don't stay home on the weekends so he can just ';drop by';. Take yourself to the library or to the movies. Go for a walk in a park. Call or write an old friend. Spend more time with your family. Volunteer at a church or school or something.
Whatever you do, make sure it's a) productive and b) someplace that he won't be.
Eventually he'll get the message that you aren't available for him anymore and while you're proving it to him, you'll also be proving it to yourself.
Stop torturing him and leave! You make it seem like you are the magnanimous one, sticking around for him, when the truth is you are doing for yourself. If you have any feelings for him at all, you would go, and let him start on the healing process.
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