How do I cope with life after breaking up, even though I decided to end the relationship?

It's been two days since I've ended the relationship and even though I ended it, I still feel a lot of grief and I am devastated. I have not called or texted him and I am trying to do other things than allowing myself to give in to that temptation. I wrote a few months ago about my contemplation and reasons for it and did finally do what I believe is right for me and my life, but I am mourning the loss of this relationship. I feel bad, I feel guilty and I still care about him and I am constantly thinking about him and wondering if he's ok. He was very hurt and devastated by my decision, he's accused me of abandoning him and although he's sensed in the last 6 months that this was coming, it was still very emotional and overwhelming when I finally said it, that it was over. How have you all coped with your break ups and what did you do during your grief? I am really looking for people to talk to here, I moved to a city where I know no one, I work from home and have no friends. My family are all 2 hours away and he was my only contact here, we lived and worked together 24/7 for 2 full years and now it's over. I don't regret the decision but the pain is unbearable and I don't want to call him so I'm trying to find other ways to focus the energy. Help.How do I cope with life after breaking up, even though I decided to end the relationship?
I bet that you are in a lot of pain right now. You obviously really loved and cared for this man. But if you tried everything and nothing worked, the break up was for the best. Give yourself some time to get over him. If you would ever like to, you can e-mail me sometimes at: sheenamartin23@yahoo.com I will respond to you. I have lots of experience with helping people deal with difficult experiences such as this.How do I cope with life after breaking up, even though I decided to end the relationship?
hurry go find u a new lover best and fastest way heart breaks are over rated and so is marrage I have lived and learnt to screw um all you only live once and why live in pain over some relationship when there are many more waitting you can call me ;) wink wink 420santaclaus@gmail.com
YOUR just going to HAVE TO get out of the house sometimes...I know it;s hard..somedays I don't even feel like combing my hair..You are going to have to start your life over and learn to celebrate life...Don't go looking for men or anything silly like that..give yourself some time to heal..
You did him a favor


now he can find better hopefully
shouldnt have ended it..
drink cut yourself or smoke
first of all, i'm really sorry about what happened :/





second of all, when you're feeling guilty and you miss him, just remind yourself of the reasons WHY you broke up with him and why it wouldn't work out. I can understand that it's really hard not seeing him anymore since you guys broke up, but it will take time.





Try getting your mind off him by actually doing things. try volunteering, learning something new, sports...etc just stay active. staying him and and ';wallowing'; will not help..





hope i helped
very hard times - and it is truly as you say a ';grieving'; process - almost as bad as a death of a near one -





the only way to cope with it is to move on with life - keep busy with things - work


make new friends - now you have time


and eventually find that new special person for yourself who will be the right one





do not call him - do not text him - that will only prolong the pain





no easy solution - and like always - he will always be in your mind to some level - just less and less as time goes on
What you are feeling is normal and you are wise not to call him. It is always worse to hurt someone than to be hurt yourself because you feel like you can easily stop his pain by calling him or reaching out, but that will only make things worse. What you are doing is right, but that doesn't make it easy. It's doubly difficult for you because you aren't around family or friends. Could you plan a weekend visit to your family?


Being with him all the time for the past two years has isolated you. Maybe you could join a class...exercise, cake decorating, art, ...something fun that you're interested in. You'll make new friends and that will help you to stay busy. You already know that staying busy will help, but nothing will really work like time. Each day will get alittle easier for you, trust me. Good luck.
I feel your pain. Now, you have to remind yourself, daily, by the hour if need be, why you broke up with him. Do not return because you feel sorry for him. Of course your are sad, even as the Dumper to the Dumpee. Why? Because divorce, and breakups are like a death...something that was once good is now dead. Death, in any form, is sad. You are doing the right thing by staying busy.





Now, start spoiling yourself...be good to you...make that priority number one every day. Take long baths, drink wine in the bath with a tv in view or a radio to listen to. Get that hair and nails hooked up. Rework your clothes or buy additional new type..experiment with new styles. You learn you all over again. That way, you have a happy person to introduce to who takes notice of happy-go-lucky new you.





Good luck loving yourself above all others.
My first instinct was to tell you to get back together.


However, it seems you are dead set against such action.


So what I suggest you do is to arrange 1 last get-together with this guy. However, use this opportunity to ';reset'; your relationship with him back to ';friend'; or whatever you want.


If you feel that you would go back to him under those circumstances, then I would say to find another person(not necessarily a guy) to spend time with until you gain the confidence and fortitude to see him 1 last time, and ultimately gain closure.
Find some new interests and new friends. Join a gym. Start walking or jogging. Do volunteer work for some place like Habitat for Humanity. Take up new hobbies (like golf maybe). Become active with your church (if you don't have on, find one). Become politically active for a cause you believe in and dedicate some of your free time to working for your cause. Generally, get and stay busy. It will accomplish two things: introduce you to new friends and keep you too busy to sit around and mourn. .
Time will heal the damage. I've been in a similar situation. Just let time pass for a little bit, and try to keep yourself occupied with other things. Treat yourself to a night out, go shopping. When you're home, have some time for yourself. If you're lonely, just 'spill the wine' (I usually cry and eat ice cream at the same time, that's just me, but you're welcome to try! It always comforts me)





Answer mine?





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Dear Ava, I assume that this is the same guy that you referred to a while ago. He is bad news. You have had a most ambivalent relationship with this guy. In the closing, you are probably wondering if you have made the right decision. You did right. Once a liar, always a liar. This relationship was doomed from the start. All of the wrong elements were involved to condemn it to failure. In spite of that you tried to make it work. It was kind of like making a dog paddle backwards in water. Wisdom must prevail at this time. Sometimes love holds on but sometimes love lets go. Love him enough to let go because I only see hurt in both your futures. This will hurt but tell youself that you made the wise decision. In the future remind yourself that you can't build a relationship with another person's mate and you can't find happiness if you are leaving the desertted spouse in sadness. You can't be blessed for hurting another. So tell yourself that this was the wrong experience and be wise. Love does not hurt others while making yourself happy. These blissful memories hurt a spouse and two children for the remainder of their life. Cry over this much like you would cry over a death and then move on. There's nothing more to see here.