I am going through a hard break up, how do I help my daughter cope???

My daughter is 3 1/2, and my ex, Julie has been in her life since she was 6 months old but Julie and I were together for about 2 1/2 years and has helped me raise and co-parent my daughter along with her dad and his fiance. My daughter is taking it very hard and I am not sure what the best way to help her is. Julie is interested in seeing my daughter, and visa~versa but it is kind of impossible right now. She keeps asking me when Julie is going to come back home and I keep having to tell her that we don't live together anymore. I have been as re-assuring as I can, telling her that I will make everything okay and for now we are living with my mom and her wife who are very very loving grandmothers. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice???I am going through a hard break up, how do I help my daughter cope???
Dear Unlikely Angel,


Step 1: Make CERTAIN your daughter understands that you love her.


Step 2: Get with you Julie, let her KNOW some “things”:


Although your daughter is sill a bit young for a puppy or a kitten Get your daughter a stuffed bear [To be given to her by you’re ex.]


Step 3: let your daughter and Julie get together for a “talk”.


 Make CERTAIN your daughter understands your ex still loves her


 Make CERTAIN your daughter understands this breakup is NOT about her.


 Make CERTAIN your daughter understands the bear is NOT a replacement for you ex but it is a way to her to send a hug to your ex when she misses her… Something along the lines of “When ever you miss me hug this bear and he will get the hug to me for you.”


Step 4: Come up with an agreement as to when Julie and your daughter can get togeather.


All of this assumes you and Julie are still on any sort of speaking terms.


Hugs,


PennyAnnI am going through a hard break up, how do I help my daughter cope???
Three year olds are very resilient .. they think and feel about the here and now. Give her a distraction ...maybe a puppy or a kitten .........seriously... it sounds harsh ,however, what she is wanting is the love or attention she once had... turn her affections to something else. Cut the **** with the whole visitation rights thing...Julie is not the parent ...if you two need to hold on for some reason don't involve your daughter....


Think about it ... if her favorite stuffed animal took a turn for the worst she would have to say goodbye...same thing.


But what the hell is this **** '; been as re-assuring as I can, telling her that I will make everything okay and for now we are living with my mom and her wife who are very very loving grandmothers'; get over all your drama and concentrate on the one who loves you and needs you !!!
You and Julie should put your feelings aside for the sake of your daughter. You should treat the situation as if you would if you and her father divorced, with normal visitation.
Your daughter is growing-up, and this is the concept she must understand and respect. People will come and go through-out her lift time. It's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone even if you make an effort to see the person again.





Perhaps you can make other arrangements. They can talk on the phone or chat in yahoo messenger. There are other ways of keeping communication alive.





God bless
Is your name Sara?
At 3 1/2 you should not be worrying too much about her concept of human relationships. Just move on and let her know she is loved ... in the future she will probably have fond memories of someone named ';Julie'; .. let her have those and explain who Julie is when she is older, if she ever asks. For now, just carry on in a normal fashion around her and she won't even realize she should be upset.