About 6-7 months ago, I was in a relationship with a guy for about a year. He cheated on me and never wanted anything to do with me (I'd talk to him, he'd ignore me). I was torn apart when he dumped me. Naturally, I was very hurt ~ but was stupid and got back together with him when he asked me out again. Shortly after, I decided, ';I don't need him.'; and dumped him. ';It takes nerve to go back - and strength to move on.';
About 2-3 months later, I decided I'd give dating a try again. I was looking for a long-term relationship. Then I found my current boyfriend.
I won't say he's perfect - because he's obviously not. I recognize his flaws, and love him with all my heart for it. We grew close and inseparable very fast. We've been together almost 5 months. He was there for me over the summer to comfort me during one of my hardest times, and has brought me up when I've felt down.
Recently him and I got in our first ever disagreement in the months we've known each other/been together. We stopped talking to 3-4 days and he was very upset about this during the first 2 days of us not speaking. Just yesterday I talked to him again and I wanted to work things out, and he shows no sign of caring for me anymore. I believe he's moved on.
I asked him if he loved me, and he said, ';I don't know.'; I know for a fact a break up is coming, and I'm already getting severely depressed about it. I'm getting thoughts of suicide and self-harm. I cannot handle losing people I grow close to...
How do I cope..?
(Sincere apologies for the long question) :(How to cope with break ups?
Hi hun.
Poor you. What a horrible time you must be going through.
I can't give you any coping strategies other than keeping busy. Coping strategies are put in place by our bodies in these situations when they become severely under stress - they blank things out, and/or try and take back control of the situation by self harming and suicidal tendancies - neither of these will make you regain control of the situation - I need to stress that to you. You must NEVER, ever, hurt yourself. It provides only a temporary 'fix', a temporary feeling of being 'in control' of the situation. But hun, remember. Even whilst you are hurting yourself and contemplating suicide the situation is still there and waiting to be fixed - it's not going to go away because you hurt yourself. That is not control, I promise you.
You have to be strong and clear your mind. Take half an hour to yourself. Play with your animals and love them - how would they feel if their mummy hurt herself on purpose? How would they feel if their mummy was no longer there? Remember your animals. I'm not saying this for any animal welfare malarchy, I'm saying this because you need to remember where you are loved UNCONDITIONALLY - your animals will love you nomatter what happens in your life or what you do in your life. If you do something wrong, they will still love you. Hell, if you went out and murdered someone they would still be there when you got back waiting for their tea and their favourite treat. You can sit and talk to them and they'd never ever judge you - so tell them about it! Tell your animals how you feel about your boyfriend, how unhappy you are, what your tendancies are... everything. Get it all out and breathe. This may clear your head - it's what I do when things get on top of me and I have had a lot to deal with this year. My rats got me through the hardest of times when I felt I couldn't cope any longer. Knowing they were up there and need me and love me forced me to pull myself through my darkest moments.
There's an example of this I'd like to tell you about; I've been with my other half for 4 years now and this happened to us when we'd been together for 2 years - except we didn't speak for almost 2 weeks and it was christmas. We'd had a massive disagreement and just didn't want to talk. We didn't feel we loved each other anymore and had some time to clear our heads. After the 2 weeks, we arranged to meet and we talked it all through and decided to give things another go, realising, due to the time apart, that we missed each other and couldn't be without each other.
Earlier this year, I became deeply close to a man I fell deeply, deeply in love with. We fought all the time and didn't speak, but we made up every time. I ended things with my boyfriend to be with him - except I made a huge mistake - I uploaded some photographs of my and my ex onto my facebook (god knows why) and he lost it. He went out, got hammered and met some girls and 3 days later, he was going out with one of them. I was heartbroken. Truly. I sunk into a deep depression and missed him so much every day it hurt like a knife in my chest. It still does - I still suffer greatly but I'm learning, slowly, to deal with it. We never spoke again after I told him I loved him and didn't understand what he'd done - but he never came back to me. He never made any attempts to amend it, nothing. He even flew off the handle and accused me of some ridiculous things and called me every name under the sun. I realised then that he wasn't worth it and started on the road to recovery - he isn't worth my love and, hon, if this is the way he is going to treat you then he isn't, either - no relationship is unsalvagable and you might find he's trying to get a reaction out of you, especially by saying he doesn't know whether he loves you anymore. He wants you to call him and be upset and sort things out with him - I'm convinced he hasn't moved on.
I suggest you give him a little space, maybe a few days, then talk to him again calmly and without upset. Tell him you love him and want to salvage the relationship but it's important you are both discussing it and if he isn't willing to discuss it, then you're not going to try again with him. This may give him the jolt he needs to begin treating you properly and to discuss things in an adult manner.
Don't assume a breakup is on the horizon - it can be salvaged. Just give him the space he needs to realise what he's doing and how much he's going to miss you.
And whatever you do, remember; self harm and suicide are NOT fixes and they won't help you gain control of the situation. They won't bring him back to you, either - the only thing that can do that is you remaining strong and in control of yourself and the situation.
I hope I helped. Take care of yourself. If you want to talk about anything, I can give you my Facebook, e-mail or instant messenger address.How to cope with break ups?
We can talk about it a bit more on MSN hun. Did you get my e-mail reply? I sent you over my MSN xx
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meditate- Decreasing stress, improving mood and bettering one's response to negative emotions are all benefits to meditation. Plus it can be done anywhere, and almost anytime, provided you have a couple of uninterrupted minutes.
go for a walk- Its cheap, easy and anyone can do it pretty much anytime. Walking gets the blood coursing, and the brain working (sometimes more so, other times as a form of meditation). You could always go for a walk with a friend too and talk out whatever is on your mind, explore a new hiking trail, or find a labyrinth to walk for a more serene get happy experience.
Oh wow. I had something similar to this going on before to.
But the best way is to talk it out with friends. Especially a best friend. If you feel like your going to cry call up one of your best friends and talk it out. Trust me it will help. A LOT! But don't stress yourself into getting over it to fast. It takes some time. Hope i helped :)
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